I really used to be an A-cup

The real peril of getting dressed or walking naked within eyeshot of your kids? Is it having them grow obsessive about the variance between the body parts of girls and boys or between their’s and an adults? Might it be a complacent attitude towards nudity which will having them ditching their suits at neighborhood pool parties? Fuck No on both counts – the danger is that your 2 year old daughter is gonna start pointing out body flaws in such a cute, grammatically challenged little voice that you’ll find it impossible to call her a douchebag for making you feel self-conscious.

Now, I have gotten softer than I’d care to be over the years. I don’t even associate myself with the muscle-head I was in my mid-twenties (I consider that guy as deceased, tragically run over repeatedly by cars arriving at my wedding) But with a renewed determination to get to the gym on weekends, rollerblading with my 4 yr old lad, Jack and having my ass frequently kicked in raquetball by the old man next door…well, I was just starting to think I could get away with slightly snugger t-shirts. Then Elsie skips into the bedroom and calls out my tits.

Granted it’s tough to get at the heart of her comparison - it’s probably something as innocent as noticing that nipples appear on guys too. Afterall, her circle of playmates doesn’t include any full-figured toddlers and she herself has the cleavage of surfboard.  I kept that at the front of my suddenly self-aware consciousness, silently suggested that she go to hell and jumped in the shower.  I never engaged her on the topic for fear that she might just reveal that she was thinking of mommy’s lady-like figure when she was laughing at my sagging rack.