Mommy says this one isn't mine

My intention has been to keep this blog away from politics – it’s an ugly realm of discussion. Whenever I’ve gotten into this crap friends with differing views tend to say rotten, angry things in response. Then I hate them for a while and try to keep away from them. At least until another election year.

But now that a hardnosed, family-valued, pro-life, gun-toting Christian has disclosed that her 17 year old daughter is 5 months pregnant – a week after getting chosen to be John McCain’s running mate – I finally have an engaging topic to scribble about. Granted I’d squeezed a couple of mild hangovers in this weekend while my kids were visiting my in-laws and had been a touch too lazy to write about anything else.  The kids are home now and it’s back to business. Part of this blog’s business is parenthood and a potential Vice President’s little girl was out there getting pumped with semen a few months back. Seems as fun a topic as any.

One thing I’d been keen to know was: Who dropped the load in Bristol? Was he some wealthy, date-raping, prep school prick who’d already boned all of Bristol’s friends? Do they have over-privileged kids in Alaska? Perhaps the dad to be is a Southern Comfort swilling salmon fisherman who was too cocked to slip a jimmy hat on before pounding little Ms. Palin. Or maybe, it being Alaska and all, the baby-goo had been “donated” by somebody who’s last name was also Palin.

Turned out that the second possibility had been correct. Not as funny or even interesting but I can’t wait to see how they polish Levi Johnston up for his interviews with the press. Here’s how the future son-in-law viewed himself on MySpace –

“I’m a fuckin’ redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes. But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some shit and just fuckin’ chillin’ I guess. Ya fuck with me I’ll kick ass.” 

Get him some grammar lessons, make him a Democrat and replace “ride dirt bikes” with “drive drunk to the House of Representatives” and he’d be Patrick Kennedy. Senator Levi Johnston anyone?

So far the Democrats have taken a higher road than I just did. I suppose it’s nice to see that the Barack camp is treating all the same way as the Republicans – It’s a family affair and not part of the issues. That’s the fair thing to do.

But what if Barack or Biden had daughters in the same situation – do you think for a second that the Republicans would let it slide so easily? Nope – they’d be up on the stumps screeching about how Democrats have once again failed the tests of moral turpitude. That they’re not fit, value-wise, to lead the country. But what exactly are Sarah Palin’s values?

Pro-life? Fine. Intelligent Design? Whatever. But some of the bulky items in that particular Christian bag are an insistence that God’s Moral Law is to be followed strictly and the only way to prevent pre-marital gestation is abstinence. Now obviously little Bristol was out there fucking so Palin fails on unshakable values. Or she just had some trouble making her schtick stick to her kids. Which brings us to the notion of handling the job of Vice Pres while still being a mom.

Which of course, she can’t. But playing mommy is beside the point, because it can’t be done in her line of work. She doesn’t face the normal challenges of mothers who also have full careers. Her speedbumps to motherhood are in line with the smaller number of moms who are wealthy executives who are also wrapped up in extra organization, activism and political fundraising. Meaning her main challenges in motherhood are who to hire to take care of the kids, how much to pay them, and whether or not the nanny is stealing her jewelry. While reading a NY Times article about this stuff yesterday one quote popped out at me.

“People who don’t have children or who have only one or two are kind of overwhelmed at the notion of five children,” (Phyllis) Schlafly* continued, mentioning that she had raised six children and run for Congress as well. “I think a hard-working, well-organized C.E.O. type can handle it very well.”

Naturally a CEO type could handle both her high powered job and motherhood because she wouldn’t be hands-on with either. CEO’s make decisions for their comapany and direct underlings to carry them out. As parents they embezzle corporate funds to pay for childcare and $100K birthday parties. Women voters wondering if she can juggle both roles as VP and mother need to forget the parenthood factor because Sarah Palin already has.

But if she and McCain get elected we all need to remember it when she starts stumping about family values and starts cutting Federal funding to schools which endorse condom use to prevent teen pregnancy.

* Phyllis Schafly is a staunch conservative who helped defeat the Equal Rights Amendment decades ago. And why the hell would a woman want her rights protected by the Constitution? It would’ve been like MLK saying “Civil Rights? Now way – being recognized as a citizen would just make me all uppity…”