There have been growing legions of non-Hispanic groups who feel they’ve been slighted in the recent immigration

Who's Gonna Make Your Pierogies Now, America?

 debate. Some have feared that with the waning of the previous administration’s Mexican Witch Hunt their hopes for Federal acknowledgment have also been lost. To address these concerns, the current administration has granted “illegal alien” status to virtually all non-resident residents in the U.S.

“The President has said again and again that we are an inclusive nation,” stated a White House official. “President Obama strongly believes that all races and ethnicities, especially the Irish, are entitled to the same rights of equality even when it comes to discrimination and scapegoating.” 

 “This is great day to undocument Caucasians,” said one Eastern European man who claimed to have illegally remained in the US after gaining entry with a Canadian tourist visa. “I work in Pennsylvania coal mine and have leg crush in tunnel collapse. I abuse ambulance, emergency room and American blood supply. Nobody even sneer at me – hospital peoples too busy ignoring Honduras boy dying of West Nile virus. This was very hard for Polack pride. Now we have equal disrespect we deserve…”   

Reaction among South East Asians was unclear as most were busy working and keeping low profiles. 

Attempts to interview Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly and Greta Van Susteren (to see if they felt the broader definition of “illegal status” diluted their own Brown Scare platform) were declined.  Spokespeople for the four popular Conservative pundits said they were out for their regular “Boy’s Thursday” of pad thai and man-waxing at their favorite Laotian boutique.