Glögg!!! Or is it glǿgg!!!?  Well, we’re sure it ain’t glug, as certain as we are thatit’s the most important booze of winter here.  And what the hell am I talking about, right? OK, “Glögg” is a generic Swedish term for a “mulled” beverage and can run the gamut from the high-octane Jul (Christmas) Glögg which follows to mild wine-strength drinks. 

   I first ran into this stuff when my wife and I were courting. I would get all liquored up and wind up buzzing her apartment at unholy hours of the night. It was during one of those dark hours which saw me banging into things in her kitchen, looking for tequila, that I came across a mystery bottle. It was an unlabeled Jack Daniels bottle half full with some hazy, dried blood-colored liquid. “What the hell is this?” I demanded, stumbling back into the bedroom. “That’s Glögg,” she told me, “My family makes it. It’s got fruit and spices and wine and grain alcohol….”

   Whoops. Grain alcohol – even to hard drinkers looking for a final bracer at four in the morning those two words speak of comas and bleeding ulcers. The stuff sounded interesting, but no freaking thank you. I went back to get a whack from a bottle of El Tesoro Añejo. Hardly the best tequila on earth, it is, however, a weirdly effective symptom-eraser for sufferers of temporary impotence.

   Whoops again. That digression might affect the current atmosphere of my home life… Back to Glögg. Some morning later on I did take a nip off that bottle. It was pretty tasty. Elisa said it’s actually much better in the first couple of months after it’s been concocted. At that moment, though, I couldn’t care how much better it could be. The shot hit me like an overdose of Nyquil. I buckled back into bed feeling very groovy and way heavy, waking up a couple of hours later feeling okay all over.

   Now put the sordid points of my past out of your mind and we’ll try another look at this Viking Holiday drink. First of all, it’s not as much of an alcoholic overload as you might think – a lot of the alcohol gets burned off in the making. Then again, it isn’t exactly weak either. But from the moderation stand a warm cup of Glögg can whet the appetite before a big Christmas meal, make a good toasting beverage for friends, or soothe coughs and sore throats. At the time of this writing, the missus and I are suffering from the worst cold either one of us has had in a long time. Since too much medicine isn’t that great for anyone, we break up the regime with a small mug of hot Glögg after dinner. It beats down the coughing long enough for us to get to sleep.
So there it is. Something cool to add to your winter traditions. Just keep in mind that this isn’t the formula  for wild, hard-partying hooch. Remind yourself that Glögg has a lot of honey and fruit sugars and too much of any sweet booze will have a monstrous significance – hangovers. Vile, morning after squashes. So take it easy. For your over-indulging needs just buy a bottle of something like a decent vodka. Fast, cheap and cleanest way to get knocked on your ass.

Here’s how you do it, starting with what you need:

6 whole cloves

2 sticks cinnamon

6 cardamom pods, crushed

2 bay leaves

1/2 cup slivered almonds, lightly toasted

Peel from 1/2 lemon

1 Apple, peeled,cored and diced

1/2 cup dried cranberries

6 pack lager-style beer

bottle dry white wine

4 oz. honey

2 liters port

1/2 liter grain alcohol

1.  Put the nuts, fruits and spices in a small bowl and fill with white wine – just enough to cover. Cover and leave out for 24 hours. Check after 12 hours adding a little more vino if it has gone below the level of the fruit. Only add enough to fill to the level of the fruit. Enjoy the  six pack of beer at some point during this period.