What a douche! But as the largest douche bag on board, I thanked everyone humbly and took a seat with my back against the driver’s cockpit. It was a splintery board on a metal storage bin, comfortable as a dollhouse hassock studded with scorpions. But it was a seat and I was grateful and completely ashamed to have it.

Ever have a slice of ham that was so mind-meltingly delicious that you wanted to kill any other guy that ever looked at it? To tie it to a barber’s chair and lock it up in the basement so it would always be yours and yours alone? To tear sheets …

not to say a nursing baby is the same as an ill-mannered brat and a nursing mom is equivalent to some trollop flashing a nipple in the park. Psychologically it can be difficult for us to quickly differentiate, or at all, from the revulsion/uneasiness at noisy eating and undressed breasts to gracefully embrace it when the two are suddenly united as some beatific, Circle of Life thing right in our faces.

We skated mainly at night, ‘cause brain-freeze and frostbite is where it’s at, then let the Hand of God smooth the ice during the day shift. Between ice out back and hills of sledding snow out front, last winter kickethed the proverbial ass and all the neighborhood was covetous of our blessedness and junk.

…She wants more juice, didn’t like her cereal and wants the motherfucking cold cuts back and sticks her fist in her mouth just to show me then pulls out a handful of drool to drip on the floor. Jack wants the stapler and tells me, for the tenth time, how earthquakes are killing all the panda bears in China.

All you Conway District voters really need to listen to this man.
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ruling gives them freedom to campaign directly for/against a candidate. Means they can spend like crazy on advertising and any lying they choose to do will be protected by the First Ammendment. That’ll sway a Senator’s vote way quicker than any promise of fat, deferred, “retirement” funds or off-shore, underage prostitutes. Coo-oo-oool!!!

He was sitting upside down in a somewhat improbable position when he slid off, cracking his ding-a-ling cranium on the hardwood floor. Not the first time either. Very deep learning curve these dwarf morons are battling.

OK, that’s a  fucked up title. It’s just what you get when I feel rushed.  Anyhoooo it is New Year’s Eve which will naturally involve a great deal of drinking for you(Might mean that for us too, though I’m not really feeling this night as a boozy one just yet.) …

I truly hate to harp on older folks; after all, time is going to rob all of us of our pleasant features and younger generations will point and wince at me soon enough. But when I see all the grannies doing aqua-aerobics in their bathing caps and blue perms all I can think is Dammit, they’re gonna make the pool smell like Cream of Mushroom soup!