Post thumbnail of The Minivans of Abaddon
20 February 2010
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The Minivans of Abaddon

What a douche! But as the largest douche bag on board, I thanked everyone humbly and took a seat with my back against the driver’s cockpit. It was a splintery board on a metal storage bin, comfortable as a dollhouse hassock studded with scorpions. But it was a seat and I was grateful and completely ashamed to have it.

Post thumbnail of The Ed Gein Special at Denny’s
19 February 2010
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The Ed Gein Special at Denny’s

Ever have a slice of ham that was so mind-meltingly delicious that you wanted to kill any other guy that ever looked at it? To tie it to a barber’s chair and lock it up in the basement so it would always be yours and yours alone? To tear sheets …

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16 February 2010
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Dairy Wars

not to say a nursing baby is the same as an ill-mannered brat and a nursing mom is equivalent to some trollop flashing a nipple in the park. Psychologically it can be difficult for us to quickly differentiate, or at all, from the revulsion/uneasiness at noisy eating and undressed breasts to gracefully embrace it when the two are suddenly united as some beatific, Circle of Life thing right in our faces.

Post thumbnail of Jesus Drives My Zamboni
12 February 2010
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Jesus Drives My Zamboni

We skated mainly at night, ‘cause brain-freeze and frostbite is where it’s at, then let the Hand of God smooth the ice during the day shift. Between ice out back and hills of sledding snow out front, last winter kickethed the proverbial ass and all the neighborhood was covetous of our blessedness and junk.

Post thumbnail of Korean Fried Wings – A Melodrama
4 February 2010
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Korean Fried Wings – A Melodrama

…She wants more juice, didn’t like her cereal and wants the motherfucking cold cuts back and sticks her fist in her mouth just to show me then pulls out a handful of drool to drip on the floor. Jack wants the stapler and tells me, for the tenth time, how earthquakes are killing all the panda bears in China.

Post thumbnail of Throwing My Political Support in Better Directions
28 January 2010
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Throwing My Political Support in Better Directions

All you Conway District voters really need to listen to this man.
[

Post thumbnail of Hasta La Vista, Democracy!
22 January 2010
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Hasta La Vista, Democracy!

ruling gives them freedom to campaign directly for/against a candidate. Means they can spend like crazy on advertising and any lying they choose to do will be protected by the First Ammendment. That’ll sway a Senator’s vote way quicker than any promise of fat, deferred, “retirement” funds or off-shore, underage prostitutes. Coo-oo-oool!!!

Post thumbnail of Shot In Our Own Feet
20 January 2010
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Shot In Our Own Feet

He was sitting upside down in a somewhat improbable position when he slid off, cracking his ding-a-ling cranium on the hardwood floor. Not the first time either. Very deep learning curve these dwarf morons are battling.

Post thumbnail of Drink 9 from Frankie’s Space
31 December 2009
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Drink 9 from Frankie’s Space

OK, that’s a  fucked up title. It’s just what you get when I feel rushed.  Anyhoooo it is New Year’s Eve which will naturally involve a great deal of drinking for you(Might mean that for us too, though I’m not really feeling this night as a boozy one just yet.) …

Post thumbnail of Aquatic Critters
30 December 2009
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Aquatic Critters

I truly hate to harp on older folks; after all, time is going to rob all of us of our pleasant features and younger generations will point and wince at me soon enough. But when I see all the grannies doing aqua-aerobics in their bathing caps and blue perms all I can think is Dammit, they’re gonna make the pool smell like Cream of Mushroom soup!

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