Cookie of the blah,blah, blah

Posted on February 17, 2009 by Frank

This “of the Month” section here is shamefully under attended. 2 nibblers posted in Dec., none in Jan. and now into the second half of Feb I haven’t written a lick about anything at all let alone the stinking cookie column. But I’ve got bacon on the brain as of late so let me update the cookie crap for 2009 and move on to some expositions on nature’s wonder meat.

Cookie of the Month, January 09 – After my rhapsody on December’s Molasses Clove cookie, devout reader and uber-chic consumer goddess Alex Masud pointed me towards the Cherry Almond Ginger number, also a product of the Dancing Deer Baking Co. January was a big suck of a month overall and I never got a chance to try them. But Alex is rarely wrong about anything, or at least I’d be afraid to say so to her face, so I’m deferring to her on this one. Besides, since the Dancing Deer people have shown themselves able to create the near perfect cookie in the Molasses Clove and cherries, almonds and ginger sound like such an ass-kicking triumvirate what the hell could possibly go wrong?

Invisible packaging! It's like magic!

COTM February 09 – Rugelach. That sound cool with everyone? How about Apple Butter Rugelach made with a cream cheese dough? Oh, hell yes, that’s what I said. And I’m in possession of such an arrestingly awesome Apple Butter Rugelach w/ cream cheese dough recipe that people I share it with are suddenly compelled to fabricate stories about how their grannies grew up in Polish ghettos. I’m tellin’ ya, they’re that good.

Now, I’ll be happy to post my instructions for this mother of all East European cookies as soon as somebody leaves a comment asking for it. (Unless immediately requested, then it will be as soon as I get home from sunny Ottawa in a couple of days) Just testing to see if anybody is out there.

I stole this picture too!

Cookie of the Mid-Month

Posted on December 19, 2008 by Frank

( This Installment of Cookie of the Month was brought to you by a colleague of my wife, who sent us this brand new addiction as a Christmas present. God Bless You, Christina Oh! )

C'mon, baby, I just need a little taste...

I was tempted to knock the M&M off its current Cookie of the Month pedestal after sinking my teeth into two or three of these babies: Molasses Clove cookies. Clearly, the tried and true M&M didn’t deserve a kick to the curb but this new treat had temporarily fuddled up my thoughts. With my eyes rolling back in my head, chanting mmuuuhhhhuhuh muuuuuhhhh after each chewy, sprinklely gnaw at ecstasy I had to shove my daughter off my lap as I became snickerdoodled into a case of gonflement phallique. It could have made for some necessarily awkward explanations – I haven’t yet cozied up to the notion of explaining boy physiology to girl-children or how Dad came to be the kind of weirdo who gets semis over baked goods. Digress and digress. Anyhow I turned to her with half a mouthful and lips glittering with spiced sugar granules and exclaimed “Holy tshschit, Elsie! You gotta try one of these…”

After a hesitant nibble, Elsie grimaced and said, “I don’t like it, Daddy”

Freakin’ little pretend Philistine, I thunk. I know her routine – she hates everything at first but I’ll be stowing the Molasses Clove cookies on top of the cabinets anyway. When it comes to treats like these, her initial, sneering disapproval is a ruse; she’ll be raiding my stash the moment I turn my back. And demand was going to annihilate the supply rapidly as her brother Jack was already hooked, evidenced by his crumb-spackled grin and continuing crotch adjustments.

Now, the cookie’s name might leave a bit too much to the imagination. You could be reading this and thinking, “Molasses & Clove? Gaaaack, I hate both of those flavors. Screw that cookie and damn it all to hell!” To which I’d reply, “Nooo! No, no, no! Just shut up for a second and put one of these in your cursing mullet…mmm? Ahh? See? I told you….”One of the real beauties of this succulent biscuit is that it ain’t particularly deep on molasses flavor and the cloves are but a teasing waft – like driving through mountainous Kintamani in Bali or romping through Santa’s laundry. They’re exactly like gingerbread – if you could remove all the suck from that traditional holiday abomination. Ginger bread usually has too much clove and molasses – but Molasses Clove cookies don’t.

I may take a stab at recreating these over the weekend and building a suck-free gingerbread house. A huge Molasses Clove castle to crawl inside at night to be alone with my dirty, dirty bakery fantasies. I’ll probably need a moat and some cannons to defend it. My duplicitous, demon-angel just came into the kitchen to ask, “Daddy…can I have one of those cookies?

What cookies, Elsie? I don’t know anything about any cookies…

Get the fix here – http://www.dancingdeer.com They appear to sell them at dandy grocery stores too.

December’s Cookie of the Month – The M&M Cookie

Posted on December 9, 2008 by Frank

It’d be easy to dismiss this treat as merely a candy enhanced version of its earthy Toll House cousin, the Chocolate Chip cookie. But that would be like saying there isn’t much difference between Shaft and Superfly. Shaft is indeed a chocolate chip cookie, but is he really a baaaad motherfu…? I don’t know, I guess he gets the job done. But he does it in a black turtleneck with a brown leather jacket and zip-up brown leather boots. He’s kind of two-dimensional; Shaft sure ain’t no Youngblood Priest.

To be superfly you can’t be a private dick, you have to be a pimp and a hustler and a drug dealer. Your threads gotta have flash, dig? Your suit can be brown as long as it’s got at least six different shades in the plaid and some red and orange to give it jazz. You can wear white too, as long as we catch the yellow flash of jewelry under the blazer and your cape throws some shadow over your baby blue boots. You gotta have soul and it’s got to be divided into a kaleidescope of variegated identity. In short, you just got to have some M&M’s in you. Introspective and tortured, candy coated chocolates which burn with better intentions, and fail to melt in your hands, as you go for your final take and set the man and his drugs up for a fall…Well, not really. The M&M’s are just crunchy fun in the cookie and have little to do with internal conflict or sociological messaging.

M&M Cookies

This recipe is actually for Chocolate Chip Cookies – just substitute M&M’s for the chips and skip the nut option.

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 large eggs
2 cups Chocolate Chips
1 cup chopped nuts (optional)

PREHEAT oven to 375° F.

COMBINE flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in chips and nuts. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.

Hint – you’ve got the dough perfect if the chips or M&M’s seem to start having trouble staying IN as you mix them. These are prizes you get for kicking ass!

BAKE for 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.