We skated mainly at night, ‘cause brain-freeze and frostbite is where it’s at, then let the Hand of God smooth the ice during the day shift. Between ice out back and hills of sledding snow out front, last winter kickethed the proverbial ass and all the neighborhood was covetous of our blessedness and junk.

infant weenies are durable little things, you can push and bat them out of the way as necessary for the clean-up and there’s never any harm done. But when a new dad pulls off his daughter’s diaper to find lots of poop in her vajayjay…Jesus, nothing prepares you for that horror.