…our kids have blessed us with low mucosal output. They ooze the clear stuff while playing out in the winter, sure – we all do. And they’ve been into blowing/wiping their own noses from an early age; got into that late myself, being a back-horker and user of Sleevex until I was 18 when it got in the way of dating. I love blowing my nose all the time now and it was probably my circus seal …

We skated mainly at night, ‘cause brain-freeze and frostbite is where it’s at, then let the Hand of God smooth the ice during the day shift. Between ice out back and hills of sledding snow out front, last winter kickethed the proverbial ass and all the neighborhood was covetous of our blessedness and junk.

Put a backyard rink under trees and you’ve just signed yourself up for daily sweepings to remove twigs, leaves and stray debris.  But who’d a thunk squirrels would be taking toasty little dumps which instantly create pits in the ice? Then the little clots of seedy, rathole granola warm in …